What's the big deal about sex before marriage?

Q: What does the Bible say about having sex before marriage?  What is the big deal?

A:

Sex before marriage, living together, marriage in the Bible

Fornication is used mostly in the King James Version and comes from the Hebrew word which means “to have illicit sexual relations.”  Other versions (NIV, NASB) use the words “promiscuous” or “prostitute” depending on the context.  The whole word means “sex you shouldn’t be having.”  In the Bible, lawful sex (sex you never have to feel guilty about) is inside a married relationship.

*  Genesis 2:24 = “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”  This passage makes very clear that marriage requires both leaving one's birth 

family and cleaving to one's spouse.  In other words, there is supposed to be the beginning of a couple at some definite point in time. One of the major problems with co-habitation prior to marriage is that no covenant has been made between the couple in the presence of God and of godly witnesses.  Sex is designed to be within the marriage covenant.  Marriage is defined as a marriage “covenant” specifically in Malachi 2:14.  A “covenant” is not something entered into lightly, but is a contract with ceremony, oaths taken, and witnesses present.  Marriage is such a commitment that is made between a couple and God.  Most of the time we think of marriage as a covenant before two people… it is not.  It is between the couple and God.  Honestly, this means that a marriage done before a judge or a justice of the peace or notary is a little bit different because God is not involved (but that is my legalistic side coming through and is a whole other discussion). 

*  Exodus 22:16-17 = “If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins.” This passage also makes it clear that sex with someone with whom one is not married is a sin.  Even if the man chooses not to marry the girl or marriage is refused him, he must pay the bride price anyway.  Why?  Because what they did was reserved for married people and he must pay for the woman even though he cannot have her as his wife.

*  Psalm 45 is an entire Psalm about the wedding ceremony.

*  Song of Solomon 1-8 is all about sex inside of marriage.  The groom does not get to enter the bride’s “garden” until after marriage.  Yes, the “garden” means what you think it does.

*  Hebrews 13:4 = “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”  This verse describes a marriage bed that is “pure.”  The purity in the verse is described as honored by all, undefiled, absent adultery and other immoralities.  As a side note, the Greek word (a very descriptive language) for the person who has sex outside of marriage is “pornos.”  This word is used for prostitutes as well.  Also, the Greek word for “marriage” is one that is in a broad range of words that describes important relationships that are entered into such as memberships and other associations.  This means it is not something that just happens, but is an intentional association.  Even the Hebrew word denotes an entire state of being and was a basic social unit that is entered into by some, but not all. 

Sociological and Psychological Statistics on “Living Together”:

*  The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005.

*  More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce. 

*  About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue to live together and do not marry.

*  Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not says US Attorney Legal Services (not a Christian source!)

*  Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.

*  A Penn State (not a Christian source!) study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.

Here are some more statistics relating to the children of cohabiting parents.

*  Children of cohabiting parents are ten times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent than by a parent.

*  Children of cohabiting parents are three times as likely to be expelled from school or to get pregnant as teenagers than children from an intact home with married parents.

*  Children of cohabiting parents are five times more apt to live in poverty, and 22 times more likely to incarcerated.

Troy Borst

Christian Education Minister

If you have a question about Scripture, please email me at troy.borst@newbeginningscctampa.org